The Cursed Kiss
by JA Mash
Summary: Edward's no knight in shining armor, but that's alright, because Jasper makes a terrible damsel in distress. Edward/Jasper SLASH


_Here is another one shot that I've never posted anywhere besides when it was posted for the contest... btw it's SLASH... so if it's not your thing... walk away now... otherwise... i hope you enjoy._

* * *

_**The Summer It All Began Contest Entry**_

_**Penname: **_JA Mash

_**Title: **_The Cursed Kiss

_**Word Count: **__**10244**_

_**Rating: **_M

_**Pairing: **_Edward/Jasper

**_Beta:_** texasbella

_**Banner:**_ The banner was my wonderful prize and made by the incredibly talented and amazing Mina!

_**Summary: **_Edward's no knight in shining armor, but that's alright, because Jasper makes a terrible damsel in distress.

_**Disclaimer: **__I don't own the characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just borrow them. A warning should be added for the complete butchery of a Disney Classic, oh and for Emmett._

**~oOo~**

_Once upon a time, in a land reachable by charter airlines, lived a handsome young man by the name of..._

"Edwaaaaaard!"

The less than dulcet tones of Emmett woke Edward with a start. He'd been up all night, writing a paper, and had fallen asleep over his desk. Whoever said that you didn't have a shitload of school work your first week of college had lied. It wasn't even September yet, and he was still in summer vacation mode. Classes had started in mid August and Edward was still adjusting to 'college life' and living away from home for the first time. He peeled his cheek away from the keyboard with a groan, the letters H, O and T practically imprinted in his skin. "Wha-huh?"

Emmett banged on his door, and Edward wondered—not for the first time—why he had agreed to rent a place with the guy instead of just moving into the dorms. "Duuuude, move your ass! Pledge Night, remember? Pledge. Night. Come on, Assmunch, if all the sorority chicks are taken by the time we get there, because you're a fairy princess, I'mma whoop your ass." Scratching at the door made it clear that Murphy, Emmett's faithful, and equally ugly pooch, had no higher regard for Edward's manliness.

Edward shoved the heels of his hands into his eyeballs, as if he could make his headache, or Emmett, vanish by will alone. "I'm comin'," he croaked, voice still scratchy with sleep.

The door rattled as Emmett banged it once more for good measure. "You better be!"

Edward groaned, and let his head flop back down onto the keyboard.

**~oOo~**

After an ice cold shower—thanks to Emmett, the most selfish _sonofabitch_ on the planet—Edward felt at least a tenth more human. He dressed, drank half a pint of milk straight from the carton, ate two stale doughnuts, and prayed to God there would be food at the Rush, or he'd pass out and flunk on principle.

There was, thankfully.

Emmett drove them there, practically vibrating in his seat. Edward contemplated telling him that Fraternities existed to do charitable works and support the community, but Emmett just saw keg parties and topless sorority girls washing cars, and Edward didn't want to burst his bubble. A pouty Emmett was no fun.

The Pledge Night was held in one of the fields behind the University, overshadowed by the old, sinister looking estate that had been built up on the hill a mile or so away. There were fires piled up high, and a dozen barbecues, plus three bins filled with water, ice and bottles of Bud. Edward drank one down, standing beside Emmett as the Pledge Masters introduced themselves.

Eric, Mike, and Tyler.

Edward did his best to remember which was which.

Eric looked like a total book nerd, even had the glasses and the sweater vest to complete the outfit. Mike looked like a poodle, short, cropped curls tight over bright eyes. Tyler looked like a strange blend of both of them. It was impossible to tell how old they were, but Edward guestimated them to be seniors.

One by one, Edward waited as the challenges were handed out. Some were reckless, some embarrassing, some plain stupid, and he cursed Emmett and his own lack of backbone.

Emmett was sent with two other guys to do something—Edward didn't dare ask what—to the Dean's house, and he was left standing as the last Pledge while faced with three grinning Pledge Masters.

Edward swallowed. "Hi."

"Hello, Edward," Eric said with a cool, calculating smile.

Edward startled at the use of his name until he remembered he was wearing a name tag made by a busty blond cheerleader. "So, um, what am I doing?"

Mike giggled to himself, oblivious to the serious stares Tyler and Eric were fixing Edward with.

"You see that house on the hill?" Tyler pointed up to the spooky old manor house.

Edward nodded and swallowed, seeing where this was going.

"The owners had it shipped over from Europe," Eric continued. "Brick by brick. There is something very special inside. Your job is to bring it back."

Edward had begun to shake his head before Eric had even finished. "I'm not stealing anything."

Mike sniggered and shook his head. "There is no one living there. Not really. And we don't want you to steal anything. We want you to go and claim what is yours."

Edward blinked.

It was official.

College guys were fucking insane. "I think this was a bad idea, me coming here."

He turned to leave, and nearly choked on his tongue when Tyler and Eric appeared in front of him, as if from nowhere. "You're going into that house," Tyler said softly, a hint of warning in his voice.

"You're not afraid, are you?" Mike mocked. Edward knew he was being played, but he bristled nonetheless.

"No!"

"It's not illegal, we promise," Mike soothed.

Eric stared him down, his eyes the brightest, deepest grey Edward had ever seen. "So you'll go inside."

It wasn't a question.

Edward nodded stupidly. He wasn't afraid, after all. Not of a stupid old house.

And if it wasn't illegal, then he really had no excuse not to go, right?

Right.

Besides, Emmett would never let him live it down if he didn't go in.

**~oOo~**

He was stupid, really, truly, stupid.

The house was something out of a horror movie; all high ceilings and long corridors that stretched on forever and ever. There were hundreds of creepy old portraits lined up along the walls, and he swore he could see their eyes move.

The main problem, haunted house freakishness aside, was that he had no idea what he was looking for.

He wandered aimlessly, following the light from his cell phone. Up staircases that looked as if they would collapse under his weight, and through rooms that seemed to lead nowhere.

He was lost.

Utterly and completely lost.

Behind him, he recognized nothing, but beyond, there seemed to be a light that drew him on.

Climbing staircase after staircase, he continued his hunt, until he found himself in an empty room.

He sighed.

He couldn't go any further.

Great.

Just _fucking_ great.

He contemplated calling Emmett, and telling him that he had failed miserably, when the light from his phone reflected off the back of the fireplace.

Edging closer, Edward peered into the darkness and felt his jaw drop.

There was another staircase hidden behind the back wall of the fireplace.

He pinched himself.

No, still awake. Okay.

So he had two options.

Option A: retreat and claim some kind of mental defect, hope Emmett was too drunk to mock him, and hide away in his room for the rest of the semester.

Option B: continue through the scary secret passage in the maybe haunted house and hope he wasn't eaten by Dracula's long lost American cousin.

He thought about it, and then flipped a coin.

Option B it was.

The cell didn't provide enough light once he was through the tight gap, and Edward stubbed his toes and banged his head a dozen times as he made his way up the winding staircase.

Jesus, he was high, he must be. Why was he breaking the cardinal 'number one horror movie rule'? 'Never send handsome popular jock up the haunted staircase by himself'.

If Edward needed anymore proof that he was on an acid trip, there it was, right there. The staircase opened up into a room, and there, laid out in the center of the bed, covered by faded, disintegrating transparent red silk, was the single most beautiful man Edward had ever seen.

He pinched himself again.

Ow. _Fuck._ Okay, still not dreaming.

Hallucinating then.

He was at home, smoking Emmett's homegrown weed laced with something.

This wasn't real.

In which case, he figured he was either screwed or about to land himself in a coma, so what the hell, a good hallucination never hurt anyone. At least not until they started trying to fly.

His fingers ran over the silk bedding, and the fabric crumbled to dust beneath his touch. Okay, so they never mentioned that part in the Disney version. He tugged the silk down and soft plumes of dust sprinkled the air at the disturbance.

Tawny golden hair hung in neat waves to brush strong, velvet covered shoulders, framing a face right out of Michelangelo's sketchbook. Male, unmistakably so, with a strong jaw, and cheekbones that would have made half of Hollywood weep with envy. His eyes were closed, thick lashes a dark smudge against pale skin, nose splashed with freckles, and his lips as full and soft as Edward imagined lips could ever be.

Soft skin. _Warm?_

The man was as still as a corpse, but warm and supple.

Edward was definitely high.

As if to cement his suspicion, Eric suddenly appeared out of thin air to hover over his shoulder. "This would be the part where you kiss the fair prince," he prompted dryly. "Not to rush you or anything, but we've been waiting a long fucking time for you to drag your ass here."

Kissing. Yeah, okay, Edward could do kissing.

Only kissing some unconscious... _prince_... was like sticking his hand up some chick's skirt when she was plastered. Edward wasn't that kind of guy.

Eric rolled his eyes. "Fucking kiss him already, before one of us dies of old age."

Edward was resisting, he was, really. Only he somehow ended up getting closer and closer to the bed, until he could just reach down and-

His lips brushed over the sleeping prince's.

Edward drew back, startled, as blue eyes blinked up at him dreamily.

It was exactly how it happened in Disney, plus one hefty cock and minus the fleshy boobs.

Then the prince went and fucked with the story.

Edward didn't remember Sleeping Beauty looking quite so murderous.

The prince scowled, swore, then punched Edward right between the eyes.

Edward yelped and felt blood trickle into his mouth as Eric smiled fondly. "He always was a prissy bitch in the morning."

Totally not in the Disney version.

**~oOo~**

Edward held his dripping, bloody nose as Eric swooped in on the surly looking thug and kissed both his cheeks. They babbled together in what sounded like French, Eric's hands framing the man's face, stroking his hair and generally being a whole hell of a lot more touchy feely than Edward thought appropriate.

Jasper—and Edward assumed that was the man's name, the way Eric was chanting it under his breath—looked between Eric and Edward, confusion and the faintest traces of fear in his eyes.

Edward had to give it to them.

_Best fucking prank ever._

_Totally Kutcher worthy._

Edward had no idea what Jasper was saying, until Eric laid a light kiss on Jasper's lips, and the babbling switched seamlessly from an archaic French dialect to flawless—if a little dated—English. "Where are my parents? Eric, where am I, what is happening?" He sounded close to panic, something Edward sympathized with.

Hastily, Eric shushed him. "It's alright, my prince," he soothed.

_Prince? Wait, what?_

Edward was missing something big here, wasn't he?

"It was the curse, Jasper. I'm sorry, I am so sorry. Forgive us." Jasper—_the prince_—shrunk in on himself for a moment before shifting gears completely and jumping up from the bed.

His knees buckled and Edward yelped as he darted forward and stopped him from planting himself face first on the dusty floor.

"Unhand me, peasant," Jasper scowled, seemingly an inch from head-butting Edward.

_Peasant? Was this guy serious?_

Eric cleared his throat. "Um, Jasper, this is Edward. He... well he... he broke the spell."

_Spell? What spell? Answers please!_ Edward felt like jumping up and down and flailing his arms a little for added effect.

Jasper looked him up and down, obviously not entirely impressed with what he was looking at, but his lips twitched as he turned to look at Eric, still held upright by Edward's arms. "My father will have your head for making me a fag," he sounded amused, but that faded quickly when Edward shoved him away with a disgusted splutter.

Prince or not, Edward did not approve of that word.

Jasper landed on his ass, mouth open in an expression of shock that would have been funny if Edward wasn't seething.

Eric hastily stepped between them. "He didn't mean it like that." He tried to appease Edward's temper with an apologetic smile.

"I did not?" Jasper asked, confused and still sitting on his ass.

"He's from a different time," Eric waved his hands a little. "They did things differently back then."

"Back when?" Edward asked, though he was surprised to see the color leaving Jasper's cheeks.

Eric sensed his misstep and dropped to his knees by Jasper's side.

"Back when?" Edward demanded.

Ignoring him, Eric squeezed Jasper's hand. "Do you remember what year it is?" he asked gently.

Edward leaned forward, sensing the importance of Jasper's answer. The prince swallowed and looked up through wide, enchanting green eyes. Edward stared, slightly dumbstruck. He'd never seen anyone so beautiful before in his life.

"The year of our Lord, eleven hundred and eight."

_Oh_, Edward thought, _Good Lord_, and suddenly the floor rushed up to meet him.

**~oOo~**

Edward woke up—thoroughly embarrassed—some minutes later, to find himself being carried between two bodies.

"Fucking Sasquatch." One body, _Mike_, Edward thought, grunted from behind him.

The other, holding his legs, hissed at him to be quiet. _That was Tyler_, Edward's brain informed him. Edward groaned, and his head flopped to one side. Through narrowed eyes, he saw Eric huddling Jasper to his side, the prince's face white and shocked.

Edward's eyes fluttered closed again.

**~oOo~**

The next time he woke, he was in his own house, laid out on the couch. Eric, Tyler and Emmett were circling him like vultures, each wearing an expectant look on their face, Murphy rushing around underfoot.

"So this is the guy?" Mike asked, disbelief coloring his voice.

For some reason, that made Edward bristle. He blinked and cleared his throat. "Okay, you win. I consider myself hazed."

"Moron." Mike snorted. Eric glared at him and poked him in the arm.

"Go make sure Jasper hasn't drowned himself in the shower," he ordered.

Mike rolled his eyes, then literally vanished with a pop.

"I'm hallucinating," Edward told himself, staring at the space that had previously been occupied by a living, breathing person.

Tyler sat down on the couch beside him and reached out to scratch Murphy's ears. "You are not hallucinating," he said kindly, slobber all over his hand.

"Then I'm dead."

Eric laughed. "You're not dead, either. You're special."

"Very special," Tyler agreed, nodding seriously.

Edward's brow wrinkled. Like... specialspecial? Or special needs special?

"We've been waiting a long time for you," Tyler continued.

Okay, now that wasn't creepy.

"You broke the spell. You set us all free." Eric nodded.

Edward felt the urge to scream return. Enough with the spell talk already! "What spell?" he flailed.

Eric and Tyler shared a look, before Tyler attempted to explain. "You are familiar with the story of Sleeping Beauty?"

Edward nodded. He grew up on Disney for Christ's sake.

"Well let's just say that in the real version, Jasper is Beauty, and you, my friend, are the brave knight." Eric clapped him on the shoulder in congratulations.

Edward blinked. "I beg your pardon?" That was polite, yes? His momma would approve. It certainly beat the 'what the fuck?' that was on the tip of his tongue.

Scratching his hair, Eric shrugged. "Jasper was cursed, and you broke it with True Love's First Kiss."

Okay, so Edward got the curse part, figuring that came under the subheading of this so-called 'spell'. The bit that demanded a few more brain cells to process was the 'true love' part, because Edward was pretty sure that his true love wasn't some Prima Donna prince(ss), and, even if it was, it sure as hell wouldn't be one who was quite so testy when he woke up.

He responded the only way that made any sense, in a way that would make Mike ever so proud. "Well you know what you can do with that 'True Love'-"

"Please, Edward," Eric cut though his tantrum imploringly. "He's alone, he needs you."

Mike chose that moment to lead Jasper down the stairs, and Edward's brain fell over itself.

It really wasn't fair how pretty Jasper was.

Nor that he was wearing Edward's clothes.

He looked uncomfortable in the denim, and the sweater he wore was too big; it swamped him. He looked lost and scared, and, Edward realized with a twang of horror, so terribly young.

Sleeping Beauty was what, sixteen in the stories?

Christ, his True Love wasn't even legal.

"He's seventeen," Tyler whispered in his ear, reading his mind.

Which, of course, made it all better. _Not._

Jesus, he was a cradle robber. He could be arrested for this, right? Of course he was only eighteen himself, but _still_.

Obviously Mike had been having a word, because Jasper tiptoed over, his wet hair long and curling against his cheeks. "I apologize for hitting you, Sir Edward," he said softly, flushing from the indignation of having to admit he was wrong.

Edward was strong. He could resist the urge to wrap Jasper up in a blanket and introduce him to the wonders of ice cream. He could.

Jasper bit his lip and looked up through heavy lashes.

Edward sighed.

He was so fucked.

**~oOo~**

Jasper was a curious little bastard, it turned out.

It also turned out that saying so out loud was a cue for a tantrum of epic proportions, and Edward had a busted lip to match his busted nose. He had also been relegated back to 'peasant'.

He left the spoilt brat in the care of his three friggin' Godfairies, and sought sanctuary in the back yard.

"I'm being punished, aren't I?" Edward wailed miserably, throwing his arms up towards the fluffy white clouds above. "What, was I Custer in a past life?"

"No, that was Sarah Palin," Tyler said mildly, appearing out of thin air to hover annoyingly at Edward's elbow.

Edward jumped. "Dude, you need to stop doing that!"

Tyler artlessly shrugged his shoulders, his expression close to bored, and his heels tapping manically at the earth below. "Sorry," he said, not sounding it in the slightest, "Kinda enjoying the novelty of it all. It's been awhile since I could, you know?"

There was no real way Edward could begrudge him that… no matter how much he might have wanted to. A thousand years was a long—long, long, long—time, after all. Edward nodded, deflating a little. "I'm still having trouble with the whole concept of… you know… _everything._" Eyes a little pleading, he looked at Tyler as though the immortal musician might be able to impart some pearl of wisdom. "I mean, I get the whole true love's kiss thing, though I think there might have been a few glitches in that batch of hocus pocus." He completely missed the look of indignation that crossed Tyler' face, and continued. "But you know, I was kinda brought up on the idea of Sleeping Beauty being a chick."

To that, Tyler waved a dismissive hand. "Utter horseshit." He shook his head. "Eleventh century Europe? We invented the whole 'dropping girls off cliffs' thing the Chinese are so up on."

"I don't think the Chinese are-"

Tyler cut Edward off, hopping up onto the fence with a small bounce and a sparkle. "It was all about the boys. Kings wanted strong, healthy, virile young sons. What use was a girl for beating the unholy crap out of the neighbors?"

"But surely-"

Again, Edward failed to get a full sentence out. "Jasper's folks had one shot at a sprog, and one shot only. Like hell they would waste it on a girl." Tyler looked marginally disgusted at the very idea. "No, that whole frilly shirts and feminine eyelash fluttering was all Perrault's fault. Guy was having problems with his sexuality." Tyler paused and frowned. "Which yeah okay, Mike was kinda fucking him six ways to Sunday on a regular basis, so I can maybe understand. I guess he figured the story would be more easily swallowed by the tight-assed, sexually repressed asshats of his age. Seventeenth century man, what a fucking nightmare."

"So, Jasper's always been a guy." Edward nodded. He was having a little trouble keeping up with Tyler's diatribe, but was relieved to know that Jasper wasn't hiding a pair of breasts under his shirt.

Tyler snorted. "I'll fucking say. Little shit peed all over me at his Christening. Last time I ever gift someone with eternal beauty, that's for damned sure."

So Jasper's pretty face was entirely Eric's fault. At least he now knew who to maim when Jasper broke his heart.

Lost in his own mental meandering, Tyler continued to rant. "We three were invited along to his Christening. Mind you," he added thoughtfully, "when the King invites you someplace, acceptance ain't exactly optional. I'd rather have stayed in Constantinople. France is fucking cold at that time of year."

Edward nodded, utterly lost. "So how did he end up, you know..." He twirled his fingers in the air eloquently.

Tyler looked vaguely troubled at the mention of Jasper's predicament. "Pagans." He shrugged. "Jasper's father tolerated us when we were of use to him. For the first few years of his reign we were left alone, until the old bastard went and got himself excommunicated for screwing on his wife with another chick, and suddenly everything was our fault. Most of us escaped with a good flogging and a promise to repent our sins and cleanse our eternal souls, however the fuck you do that. Some of our more testy numbers took the 'eye for an eye' approach. Jasper was only an infant at the time, but he took the brunt of a pretty vicious curse." The troubled look in Eric's eyes didn't diminish. If anything, it grew deeper. "The three of us, we'd already bound ourselves to him when we gave him his gifts." At Edward's confused frown, he hastened to explain. "Magic, good or bad, leaves a mark on the one who uses it, and the one whom it touches. Jasper's soul is touched by a part of us. Pretty powerful shit, if I do say so myself, and when good magic clashes with black magic, there tends to be consequences." He held his hands up as if to indicate himself, and grinned.

"Wow." Edward blinked. His idea of magic was how the TV remote worked, or, you know, pulling bunnies out of hats.

Eric was back, looking as unruffled as ever. "We failed to protect Jasper from the curse, so here we are, still hanging around a few hundred years later, waiting to do the job right. Which is where you came into play." A flash of relief flashed across Eric's face.

Edward nodded slowly. "So which one of you is the Pink Fairy?" he asked.

Eric opened his mouth to answer, when the kitchen exploded behind them.

No exaggeration.

It literally went up in smoke.

Tyler and Mike appeared, holding a bemused looking Jasper between them. All three were slightly singed around the edges.

"Jasper killed the evil microwave," Mike said by way of explanation, seeing Edward's less than amused look and holding his hands up as if to say 'don't blame me, blame the guy with the sharp object'. It was then that Edward noticed the kebab skewer in Jasper's hand and decided he didn't want to ask.

Still, ground rules. Edward didn't have enough kitchen appliances for Jasper to start jousting with them all.

"It was possessed," the prince said firmly. "An instrument of Satan." He shot Eric a dark glare, as if he held him personally responsible for the invention of easy cook dinners.

"Uh...right." Edward scratched the back of his head. "I'll order pizza."

"Italian," Mike explained to Jasper brightly, not bothering to hide a grin as Jasper scowled and spat on the floor.

Obviously foreign policy wasn't all that high up Jasper's list of important shit.

"Chinese then," Edward amended hastily. His history wasn't particularly impressive, but he didn't think the French had had all that many issues with the Chinese back in Jasper's day.

Tyler's stomach rumbled in approval.

Chinese it was.

**~oOo~**

In all fairness, Edward had been dealing with his medieval house-guest for less than a day. He could be excused for making a few faux pas here and there. His three not-so-good fairies however, had no such excuse.

Chinese had been delivered as Mike and Tyler hit up a liquor store, and Edward had taught Jasper the finer joys of pay-per-view sports. Jasper might not have understood the rules of hockey, but he got the idea pretty quickly, and started yelling at the TV screen after only a few minutes. It was rather cute, or would have been, if Jasper's insults didn't tend to focus on threats of execution and disfiguration to whomever he felt was not embracing the more violent aspects of the game.

Edward found himself edging closer to the arm of the couch as Jasper grew more enthusiastic in his vocalization of various threats, the ye olde spin on favorites such as 'penis breath' entertaining, if not entirely terrifying.

"I miss jousting," Mike lamented a few hours later, as Tyler and Edward attempted to teach Jasper the fine art of chopstick usage. "That was a proper sport. None of this prissy soccer shite."

Eric, an avid soccer fan, bitched at him with a mouthful of sweet and sour. "Uck ew ude!" he garbled, holding his chopsticks up in a vaguely obscene gesture.

"Hockey is not without its merits," Jasper pointed out, admirably battling with his utensils. Every time he managed to get the smallest grain of rice to his lips, Edward beamed like a searchlight, and Jasper blushed a little. Eric had taken to elbowing Tyler every time it happened.

"I could teach you," Edward offered, stars in his eyes as he wrapped his fingers around Jasper's hand and manipulated the chopsticks for him.

Jasper nodded as if pleased. "That would be acceptable."

"You could teach Edward how to joust," Mike suggested cheekily.

Edward squeaked in alarm. "Um, I think that's illegal now days," he tried pathetically to escape what would undoubtedly be a humiliating experience.

"Your country is a strange one." Jasper shook his head in disbelief, fishing in the bottom of his takeout box for any stray pieces of shrimp.

Edward nodded enthusiastically. "No need to tell me."

"Who is your King?"

Edward inhaled a lump of the sticky rice. "Uh, we don't exactly have one, per se."

Jasper looked utterly horrified, and Tyler headed off the topic, before he got any more disillusioned with the future.

Eventually, all food gone, and a fair amount of alcohol consumed, Tyler and Mike dragged Eric up and winked. "So, we are going to make sure you have a nice, relaxing, private night." Mike cleared his throat in a highly suggestive manner and Edward turned pink.

Eric glared at Edward as if he had forgotten about the hours spent reassuring him of their status as 'True Loves' and would turn Edward's genitals into turnips if he misbehaved.

"You kids have fun now." Mike winked, toggling his fingertips at Edward and Jasper as he helped Tyler drag Eric from the room. "Don't do anything we wouldn't do."

"That gives us free reign then..." Edward muttered under his breath.

Jasper tipped his head in confusion, shrugged, and returned to the television.

"Just to let you know," Edward said hastily, as soon as they were alone, "this isn't going to be some kink-filled, Anne Rice-esque perv session."

Jasper cocked his head quizzically, clearly at a loss as to understand the comparison.

Rambling nervously, Edward continued, not ready to stop, because when they stopped, there would be sex, and yeah, ground rules were required. "What I mean is, just because I woke you from a thousand year curse, and you're living with me, and we're supposed to be 'True Loves' forever with the hearts, and the flowers, and the undying devotion and all."

"Breathe," Jasper interrupted, calm as the most placid lake. Edward obeyed, his whole chest shaking with the effort. "Good," Jasper praised, "you were saying?"

Edward blinked, lost, then, "Oh, right, yeah. Sorry. I mean, just because you would still be snoozing through the centuries if I hadn't found you, it doesn't mean that you need to pay me back, or anything. With sex." And he really wasn't very good at this shit, because that sounded like he expected Jasper to expect that he had to pay him back with sex. Which he didn't. Not at all.

Looking utterly bemused, Jasper frowned. "Your mind is a terrifying place."

Edward nodded rapidly. _No need to tell him that!_

"What if I wanted to?" Jasper asked curiously. "Repay you, that is. With sexual favors."

Edward was horrified. Had he just blackmailed a prince into having sex with him? "You don't have to!" he blurted, feeling dizzy with the strain of just trying to keep up.

"Maybe I desire to," Jasper quirked his head to the side, eyeing Edward like he might be a thoroughbred horse. "You are physically appealing, and you don't look diseased."

Edward laughed weakly. "That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me." Jasper missed the pop culture reference entirely.

"Do you wish to lay with me or not?" Jasper asked, sounding impatient at Edward's lack of a clear answer.

Edward nodded his head even as he said 'No', and Jasper's eyebrows rose. "Okay, so yes, but only if you want to!" he clarified.

The prince shook his head in despair. "For a society that prides itself on making life as comfortable and simple as possible, you have managed to make the easiest act on earth into a quest of improbable predicaments."

Edward wasn't sure, but he supposed that was Jasper's way of saying 'don't be a moron and kiss me already'.

Either that, or he was making some deep and meaningful judgment of Edward's cultural age, and he should probably listen for pearls of wisdom.

Meh, he went with the first one.

Jasper's lips were as warm as they had been the first time Edward had touched them. Warm and soft and damp, like dew tipped rose petals, or some other prissy, poetical do-dad Eric had been thinking when he worked his hocus pocus.

He was also a whole hell of a lot taller than Edward supposed he should have been. His neck made a note to thank Eric later.

He figured Jasper for a top though. Some socio-political thing that conflicted entirely with his pretty face and perfect ass. Edward could work with that. He was a free thinking, free swinging guy, when he wasn't freaking out about the idea of getting in a recently comatose prince's pants. His hands framed Jasper's high cheeks, warm skin and long eyelashes brushing against Edward's thumbs as he leaned in and ran his tongue over Jasper's lips.

Jasper growled impatiently and dragged Edward closer by his belt.

Probably best to give the fair prince what he wanted.

The complexities of the modern cock-blocker that were jeans, became known as Jasper struggled to rid Edward of his clothing, hushed curses pressed between desperate kisses. He took pity on the prince and shucked his jeans with lightning speed. Jasper imperiously nodded his approval and continued to kiss Edward senseless.

Edward wasn't sure who out of the Terrible Triad was responsible for Jasper's porn worthy kissing, but Edward was grateful to them nonetheless.

Bed. Bed would be good. No having sex with a possible fictional character up against the wall. He was not perverting that classical myth.

He rid Jasper of his sweater and began to drool.

He was perfect, goddamn him.

A lifetime of training mapped out across his strong chest, royalty in his bearing, clear in his aristocratic litheness.

He also didn't like boxers, as Edward discovered, hands down Jasper's pants meeting nothing but soft, bare skin.

Edward might have whimpered a little, and Jasper's expression became one of supreme arrogance.

He fisted his hands in Edward's shirt and spun him around, backing towards the door.

"Bedroom," Edward mumbled, not used to being manhandled by anyone.

"As you wish," Jasper breathed, irrationally reminding Edward of 'The Princess Bride'.

He giggled. "My Name is Inigo Montoya."

Jasper blinked. "I beg your pardon?" He looked utterly perplexed, and Edward hastily kissed him.

"Never mind," he muttered, distracting Jasper from his own insanity as he steered them to the stairs. "You are so beautiful."

Jasper laughed, a little breathless, a little bitter. "Of course I am." His fingers tightened painfully in Edward's hair. "You are not the first, nor the hundredth man to say so."

Edward's brain waved a little red flag, then poked him in the eye with it when his dick insisted that they keep on kissing. Hastily gathering enough brain cells to make an attempt at conversation, Edward took Jasper's face in his hands. "I wasn't talking about this," he muttered, laying small kisses across Jasper's cheeks and nose. "Though it is lovely."

Jasper's blue eyes grew dark, and he practically tackled Edward down. They were halfway up the stairs, and if Edward hadn't grabbed a hold of the banister, they would probably have ended up with a pair of broken necks. "Wait, Jasper, we need to-"

Jasper shut him up with a kiss and pushed, until Edward was sitting halfway up the stairs with no shirt and his pants around his ankles, and Jasper, wearing nothing at all, crouched a few steps down, his shoulders between Edward's thighs.

True love's first kiss might have been what had woken him from his magical coma, but if Jasper was a virgin, Edward would eat his hat.

If he had one.

He would eat Eric's hat, and risk disease.

Jasper kissed the crease of Edward's thighs, gentle and sweet, before wrapping his perfect lips around Edward's dick.

It was a damn good thing that Edward was sitting down. He might have fallen on his face otherwise.

Jasper was good, too fucking good, at sucking dick.

Edward's chest was rising and falling with short, sharp breaths. "Christ, who taught you that?" he asked brokenly, his fingers tight in Jasper's tawny hair as he sucked and slurped and drove Edward insane with his mouth.

Jasper drew back momentarily. "I believe it is listed as an 'extra' under Mike's gift." He smirked cheekily before continuing with the task at hand. Edward thought on the gifts he knew Jasper to have been gifted with; beauty, grace, temperament (he wasn't too sure there hadn't been a mistake with that one), song, generosity—yeah, there it was, generosity.

Jasper was very generous, especially when he was doing whatever _that_ was with his tongue.

It didn't take much for Edward to come, his fingers tight in Jasper's hair, his legs fucking trembling as Jasper carried him over the edge and down into a spiral of lust.

He laid between Edward's thighs as Edward caught his breath, absently stroking his hair. It was damn uncomfortable on the stairs, but he had no desire, and no energy with which to move.

"Wow," he breathed as soon as his heartbeat returned to a more sedate pace. "That was... wow."

Jasper looked up at him through thick lashes, oddly sweet as he laid his cheek against Edward's leg. "You are satisfied?"

Silly. Fucking. Question.

Edward nodded his head vigorously.

"I am pleased," Jasper said sleepily.

"What about you?" Edward was just enough of a gentleman to remember that whilst he might have had an epic orgasm, sex tended to work both ways.

Jasper smiled coyly and brought his fingers up from between his legs. They were stained with cum, and he licked them clean.

Edward might have whimpered again.

"It pleased me to see you in bliss," Jasper said, as if that explained it all.

Maybe it did, who knew.

Even in his wildest dreams Edward hadn't really thought he would ever have someone like Jasper, and yet, here they were together.

True Loves.

He had to have Jasper.

He didn't want to wait another second.

Edward moved down, switching their positions, and opened his mouth wide around Jasper's cock, letting it slip past his lips. Edward was sucking just enough to make Jasper crazy without actually making him come.

"Blasted tease," Jasper groaned out, arching up when Edward used his tongue to do something clever that just felt... amazing.

Edward smirked around his mouthful of Jasper's cock and let his fingers glide over his balls before sliding between his cheeks. He lifted his mouth off with a soft pop and grinned up at Jasper. "If I wanted to tease you, you'd be crying by now."

Jasper groaned and covered his face with one hand while grabbing the packet of lube—Mike, Eric and Tyler had thrown it at him when they left—with his other and handing it down to Edward.

The first touch of a cold, wet finger against Jasper's hole made him hiss and push down unconsciously. He spread his legs and moaned as Edward's mouth found his cock again, while his finger slid in slowly, wiggling a little.

The stairs under Jasper's back were far from comfortable, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

One finger turned into two, slowly scissoring their way in and out of Jasper, while Edward kept up his gentle suction. One of Jasper's hands found its way to Edward's hair, sliding into the thick mass and just hanging on while the other balled up into a tight fist.

"Ungh," Jasper moaned when Edward added a third finger, and Edward lifted his head to look at him.

"Too much?" Edward asked, pushing his fingers in deeper and spreading them slightly.

Jasper shook his head mutely, pulling his legs further up and spreading them, wanting Edward to fuck him harder and faster. Edward's tongue came out to swirl around the head of Jasper's leaking cock, but he kept his eyes locked on Jasper's face, gauging his every reaction.

"Please," Jasper groaned, arching up and trying to get Edward's teasing fingers to hit that spot. "God... Edward..."

Edward chuckled, giving Jasper's cock another lick. "If I give you what you want, you're gonna come all over yourself," Edward said smugly, his lips pulled into a grin. "Is that what you want? Or do you want me to fuck you?"

For a moment Jasper was actually torn. He wanted to come, but he wanted to come while Edward was buried deep inside him. "Fuck me, fuck me," he muttered, his head turned to the side and his toes curled.

The sensation of having this power over Jasper, this embodiment of masculinity, made him a little heady. Knowing that he was about to possess him, take care of him and give him everything he needed so much. Edward had never felt such a primal need and connection with someone as he did now.

"Fuck me," Jasper begged again. "Please."

Even if he wanted to, Edward wouldn't have been able to resist that breathy plea and he let go of Jasper's cock in favor of taking his pants fully off.

Edward felt like he might come any second and he reached over for the condom that was with the lube, sheathing his cock, and trying to calm down.

"You ready?" he asked, though he knew what the answer was going to be.

"Yes, just fuck me, Edward. Now."

Edward pushed into Jasper's tight body and they both gave a mutual groan. He'd never experienced such tightness, as he'd only ever used his hand. He did his best to go slow, trying not to hurt Jasper. Once fully sheathed, he paused, looking down into Jasper's pleasure darkened eyes.

"You okay?" he asked, his voice gravely with pent up lust.

"Yeah," Jasper breathed, his face scrunched up with pleasure. "Just go a bit slow."

"I will," Edward promised, bending down to kiss Jasper again, but it proved to be a hard promise to keep.

Every time he so much as shifted his hips, pleasure flared up along his spine and Jasper made the most amazing breathy sound that went straight to his cock.

"God," Edward moaned as he slid slowly in and out of Jasper's body. He briefly wondered why he had never tried this before; he had never known pleasure this great.

When Jasper's legs wrapped themselves around Edward's waist, he couldn't hold back and he began thrusting a little harder and faster.

"Oh yeah, like that," Jasper instructed him, his voice needy and breathy. "Fuck me."

Edward had never heard Jasper speak like this before. He always seemed so contained, so composed. Looking down at Jasper now, Edward could hardly believe this was the same man. The words and the noises coming from Jasper's beautiful lips were driving Edward crazy and he started thrusting even harder, unable to hold back any longer.

"God yeah," Jasper groaned, arching his back to make Edward's thrusts reach even deeper.

Edward had never had a problem with premature ejaculation but as he looked down at Jasper's face; his kiss swollen lips parted to let out panted breaths, sweat beading on his brow, he just knew he wouldn't be able to hold back very long.

Edward was everything Jasper knew he would be and then some. He'd never had sex before, no one had ever been able to turn him on like Edward did. Seeing that perfect muscular body moving above him, feeling Edward's cock pushing in and out of him, nothing could equal that.

"Harder," Jasper begged, reaching down to wrap a sweaty palm around his own leaking cock, pulling on it in time with Edward's forceful thrusts. The stairs creaked ominously under them, but he didn't care if the whole staircase collapsed and they ended up in a pile of rubble on the floor as long as Edward didn't stop doing _that _with his hips.

"Oh God," Edward groaned desperately as he pressed his face into Jasper's sweaty neck and fucked the younger man for all he was worth.

When Jasper began to clench around him, Edward knew that Jasper was about to come and he simply thrust into him as deep as he could go, making Jasper cry out with an almost painful sounding sob.

Jasper came hard, his aching cock spurting between their sweaty bodies. His muscles clamped down around Edward's throbbing cock and Edward bit down lightly on Jasper's shoulder as his orgasm took him over. He came hard inside Jasper's body and afterwards, when his arms had given out and he collapsed on top of Jasper, he became a boneless weight.

Finally, Edward managed to get his feet under him, and pulled Jasper up, leading them up the final few steps and into the bedroom. He cleaned Jasper up with his shirt, and couldn't help but kiss his way up Jasper's belly to his throat. God, but he was so beautiful.

Jasper frowned when Edward pulled back the bedding. "It is not yet late," he said, brow furrowed in confusion. Edward thought it was adorable, but valued his balls too much to say so.

"Come on," he tugged on Jasper's hips, pulling him down into the comfort of the bedding.

Jasper settled down with a sigh, wriggling a little in the bedding. "You live the most hedonistic life," he yawned, his face buried against one of Edward's pillows.

Edward snuggled closer and nodded in agreement as Jasper began to snore softly in his ear.

**~oOo~**

The alarm clock, still set to wake Edward up after one of his midday naps, woke them both with a jolt.

Jasper sat upright with a swear, his eyes narrowing in on the vibrating alarm clock. He seized it, cursed in what sounded like French, and then threw it out of the window.

The closed window.

Edward groaned and buried his head under his pillow.

**~oOo~**

Tyler and Eric appeared later the next morning with armfuls of bagels and trays of coffee. They shared self-important smirks and teased Edward like his big brother would.

Jasper spent nearly an hour in the shower, luxuriating in what he called 'the source of true Paradise on Earth'. Edward had tried, and failed, to explain how the internal water system worked, but Jasper had seemed happy enough to blame mystical forces, and Edward wasn't about to rain on that parade.

Emmett still hadn't returned from the Pledge Night, and Edward would have been concerned, if he didn't have such a habit of spending the night shacked up with random women, just to come rolling back home three days later.

Jasper fell in love with bagels, eating his, Edward's and half of Tyler's, before inhaling three cups of coffee as if he had been born to it. Edward figured that he probably hadn't eaten in a few hundred years, and had no problem giving up his breakfast.

The coffee however, turned out to be a mistake.

Dressed in more of Edward's clothes, he bounced up and down as the five of them embarked on a mission to stock Jasper up with a new wardrobe and a toothbrush. Edward had to hold his hand tightly once they made it to the main street, the sight of cars—having startled him at first—now proving to be an unwanted, and potentially hazardous distraction. He'd nearly been run over twice before Edward contemplated the merit of buying handcuffs.

Mike, Tyler and Eric babbled all together, trying to bring Jasper up to speed with a millennium of musical advances. Edward was content leaving them to it, his fingers caught in Jasper's, the feeling of being so close to him oddly right.

"HMV!" Mike bellowed, grabbing Tyler and steering him towards the looming music store.

"Corporate pig!" Eric cursed, tugging on Tyler's other arm. "Shun, shun!"

Edward left Jasper staring avidly at the 'STOP Crossing' sign on the street corner and rushed to Tyler's aid before they all started Avada Kedvara-ing each other. "Jesus, would you please behave!" he scolded, feeling like he was babysitting a group of small children. "Enough! What kind of examples are you setting?"

Eric and Mike looked chastised. Tyler rolled his eyes and mouthed a thank you.

Turning back to look for Jasper, Edward spotted him a few feet away, talking to an old woman who was trying to pin a flower on his shirt front. Hurrying forward to warn Jasper about the dangers of being hustled, Edward heard Eric cry out from behind him.

"Siobhan! Jasper, no!"

Jasper turned to the sound of Eric's voice and hissed as the small pin pricked his finger. The old woman looked up, her eyes black pits in her head, and Edward froze. It was almost as if her face was transparent. He could see through her!

"Jasper!"

She smiled at Edward, her jaw gaping and lined with sharp, black teeth. "Sweet prince," she whispered, and Jasper's knees buckled.

He caught Jasper as he fell, hands under his armpits. Siobhan vanished in a literal puff of smoke, but not before she had left Eric coughing up blood. Edward ignored the chaos around him, too preoccupied with the fact that Jasper wasn't conscious, wasn't breathing.

Mike was shouting in his ear as Edward carried Jasper over to a nearby bench and laid him down, remembering every first aid lesson he had taken in Cub Scouts, and trying to put them into 'I just saw someone get cursed by a frigging warlock' practice.

Pulse. Check pulse.

He slid his fingers under Jasper's collar, resting against soft skin, and the bruise he had kissed there earlier that day.

There was a gentle, delicate little flutter under his fingers, and Edward nearly started to cry.

Okay, pulse, check.

Breathing. Breathing was still an issue.

He tried holding his fingers just above Jasper's lips, but when that failed, he leaned in closer and looked down Jasper's body. His chest rose and fell with only the tiniest of movements.

He was alive. Alive, and going to stay that way. He was just cursed again, and Edward had that covered.

Slipping his arm under Jasper's neck, holding him carefully to his side, Edward leaned down once more and laid a gentle kiss to Jasper's lips. He was far less terrified this time than he had been the last, no longer facing the unknown.

Jasper didn't stir.

Edward frowned and brushed Jasper's hair back off his forehead before trying again. This kiss was longer this time, his lips firmer on Jasper's.

Still nothing.

"Hey," Edward whispered, giving Jasper a little shake. "Come on, you are supposed to wake up now. You're fucking with your own story." His voice broke as his throat tightened, but he tried again, and again.

"Edward-" Tyler attempted to draw his attention, but Edward ignored him in favor of kissing Jasper once more. "Edward, it is of no use."

"No!" Edward denied stubbornly. "No, he's fine, he's just being a lazy bastard."

"Edward, man, stop." Eric had blood smeared across his face and was being held upright by Mike. "He won't wake up."

Edward continued to shake his head, firmly denying the truth that was slowly becoming clearer with every kiss that failed to break the curse. "No. No. He'll be fine. He'll be fine." He held Jasper closer, rocking back and forth in an attempt to bring comfort to them both.

Jasper lay as still as death in his arms, but Edward refused to give up.

He'll be fine.

He would.

**~oOo~**

Tyler had managed to pry Jasper out of Edward's hands and carried him back to the house. Edward took a shower at Eric's insistence, then curled up in bed beside him. The curtains were drawn, the lights off, and though it was not as majestic as the room Jasper's parents had laid him down in, the effect was remarkably similar.

Edward held Jasper against his chest, his fingers entwined with Jasper's limp hand. They lay there in utter silence, until Eric, Tyler and Mike circled the foot of the bed, each wearing an expression of despair to match the growing bleakness in Edward's heart.

He stroked Jasper's face, not looking at any of them as he asked, "Why didn't it work?"

It was Tyler who answered him. "It was True Love's first kiss that broke the spell, Edward. True Love's sixty-fifth kiss is worth nothing."

"It is worth something to me," Edward said brokenly, burying his face in Jasper's throat. A thought occurred to him then, and he looked up to beg the three of them help him. "You can make me sleep, too, right? Until he wakes up again? I can go to sleep and be with him when he wakes up."

Mike made a small sound in his throat and looked away. Tyler and Eric shared broken looks. "It won't work like that," Eric said softly. "You are his true love. There will never be anyone else to wake him. If we make you sleep, you will never wake up. Neither of you will."

Maybe that was better, Edward thought. He'd never considered himself to be suicidal, but the very idea of living without Jasper made his heart curl up and die inside his chest. Jasper, infuriating, beautiful Jasper, had taken up a place in Edward's soul. The Disney True Love Forever finally made sense to him.

He couldn't live without Jasper.

He wouldn't live without him.

"Do it," he whispered, closing his eyes and holding Jasper tight. He waited for the oblivion to roll over him, but nothing came.

When he opened his eyes again, the three men still stood at the foot of the bed, not making a single attempt to end Edward's misery. "No, Edward." Tyler shook his head sadly. "We won't do that."

"Why not?" Edward yelled, tears in his eyes.

"We are not going to kill you!" Mike scoffed in disbelief. "There are other ways." Both Eric and Tyler turned to glare at him, making hasty shushing motions as they scowled. "Well there are!" Edward sat up straight.

"What? Tell me!"

"It's not an option," Tyler said flatly.

"Yes it is!" Mike and Edward shot back. Edward carefully arranged Jasper on the bed and crawled to his feet, perfectly willing to beat an answer out of someone if he had to.

"Tell me," he demanded.

Reluctantly, Tyler answered him, "You need to kill Siobhan."

Edward was nodding before the word 'kill' even filtered through his brain. "Okay." He was fine with that. The bitch had taken Jasper from him, killing her wouldn't even begin to even the score.

Eric threw his hands up in the air in disbelief. "You can't just kill Siobhan!"

Edward shoved his arms into his jacket sleeves. Keys, _check_, wallet, _check,_ phone, _check_. "Why not?"

"You think no one has tried before?" Eric rolled his eyes in exasperation, looking to Tyler for support and finding nothing. "She is old, Edward. Older than dirt, older than anything I've ever seen. And she is powerful."

Tyler reluctantly nodded his head. "Eric is right. She is impervious to steel, to fire. There is nothing that can harm her."

Edward's mind was already running down paths that Eric, Tyler and Mike would not dare tread. He was a chemist, for pity sake, he'd boil the bitch in a vat of hydrogen chloride if it helped.

The idea was rather appealing, actually.

He steadied himself and met Eric's gaze firmly.

"I have a plan."

"A good plan?" Eric asked with an expression of outright disbelief.

"A plan." Edward nodded firmly, not meeting his eyes.

**~oOo~**

Any plan in which Emmett played an integral part was not a good plan.

It wasn't even a sane plan, but God help him, it was the only plan Edward had.

Recruiting Emmett, however, was more a case of bailing him out of jail.

"That bastard, Carlisle Cullen!" Emmett muttered to himself, testy from a night spent in a cell.

"You painted his house pink, dude," Edward pointed out absently, running through points A to Z of his plan.

Emmett waved the point off. "He deserved it, and why is there a guy sleeping in my car?"

Edward threw Emmett his keys before climbing on the back of his motorcycle. He'd let Tyler drive, not trusting Mike or Eric behind the wheel, despite the fact that they all claimed to have helped invent the automobile. Tyler had since done his bippity boppity boo thing and vanished to go help Mike and Eric with the frog's legs and bat's breath part of Edward's plan.

Which left Emmett to drive the car with Jasper snoozing peacefully in the back, and Edward following on his Kawasaki.

"About that," Edward scratched the back of his neck. "I need your help with something."

**~oOo~**

Emmett had, once he'd finished checking Edward for concussion and inebriation, been remarkably quick to jump on the witch killing bandwagon. It seemed the old saying was right; friends would patch your wounds after you got your ass handed to you by wrinkly old hags, but best friends would be there getting a beating with you.

His cell phone rang.

"I am awesome. No, I am beyond awesome. I am-"

"It's done then?" Edward asked wearily, checking his watch before looking to the sky.

"Yep! Might wanna mark that 'X' now, dude."

Edward shook his head. "I am not marking a fucking 'X'!"

"Mark the 'X', bitch!" Emmett barked, his rare, no nonsense, 'I actually do know what I am talking about' voice leaving no room for argument.

Edward grabbed a can of paint from the trunk and sprayed a nice big 'X' on the ground just as Eric, Tyler and Mike appeared.

They all looked at him as if he was insane.

He probably was.

"Just to clarify," Eric cleared his throat.

"Your master plan-" Mike shook his head.

"Is to drop a car on Siobhan's head?" Tyler finished, eyes wide with disbelief.

Edward shrugged and Emmett barked through the cell phone, "Bitch, please! Not just any car! A MINI! It's the BMW engine man, trust me, if the hag doesn't go splat, I'll give you your money back."

"We didn't pay you anything," Edward pointed out, "And where did you get a MINI from, anyway?"

"Carlisle Cullen," Emmett cackled gleefully. "Served the bastard right!"

Sometimes, just sometimes, Edward couldn't help but wonder if his friend wasn't just a little soft in the head.

Turning his attention back to the matter at hand, Edward stared the three other men down. "You ready for this?"

They all answered at once. "No."

Edward nodded. "Excellent. Places, people!"

He had to actually poke Tyler to get him to move.

They could at least look like they had a little more faith in him...

**~oOo~**

Siobhan showed up just as Mike had promised, some weird mumbo jumbo spell that summoned the bitch from whatever cave she had crawled into. She wore a different form, and stood tall—taller than Edward—and imposing in her long black cloak and aptly fitting striped socks.

Edward swallowed.

Not scared.

He. Was. Not. Scared.

He really wasn't scared. He just didn't fancy being turned into a frog.

He steeled his nerve. Jasper's life was on the line.

"Peasant boy." Siobhan looked caught between being pissed and curious, and while Jasper was hot enough to get away with calling him a peasant, she sure as hell wasn't. "Little Prince's Love."

Damn right he was.

He thumbed the call button on his cell, un-muting the call to Emmett. "Give him back," Edward demanded, sounding more brave than he felt.

Siobhan shook her head. Her black tongue swept across her thin lips, lecherous and malicious. "No dealing with boys, Little Prince belongs to us now."

She reminded him of Gollum.

A taller, female, Gollum.

Minus the cute little fishing songs.

"Last chance!" Edward shouted, backing away from her slowly.

Evil though she was, she wasn't the sharpest pencil in the monster box. She followed him closer, stopping less than three feet from Emmett's big fat 'X'.

Just a few more steps closer!

Edward retreated further, but she didn't follow.

"No, Little Prince belongs to Night now, sleepy sleeping sleep."

Edward's jaw ached.

"We can makesss you sleep withsss ssshim," Siobhan offered, hissing like a serpent, her words a poison.

It cost Edward more than he cared to admit, to turn her offer down. "Go to hell, bitch."

She smiled, a razor blade on her tongue. "You first, boy."

Edward panicked as she raised her hands and began to chant. Shit!

"Now Emmett!" he yelled, darting forwards in the hope of spurring her into charging across the path laid out in his plan.

She didn't.

Eric hit her from behind, propelling her forward, right into the 'X'... as the dangling red and white MINI smashed into the ground, squashing her flat.

Edward fell over, the impact and subsequent shockwave driving him to his knees.

Siobhan's stripey feet stuck out from the fender of Carlisle Cullen's beloved MINI. Dead. Very dead.

Through the speaker on Edward's phone, they heard Emmett's voice.

"Did I get her?"

**~oOo~**

Jasper had some issues escaping the clutches of his three fairy godfather's but as soon as he saw Edward charging forward, he elbowed his way through and tackled him to the ground. "I should have your reckless head!" he declared vehemently, then proceeded to kiss Edward senseless.

**~oOo~**

"Nice work, Dorothy." Edward laughed, slapping Emmett on the shoulder once he had joined the small party. Jasper stood with him, arm in arm, and looked Emmett up and down, obviously not sure what to make of him.

Emmett puffed out his chest. "This is why Engineering students rock." He nodded pompously. "You never know when you need to kill a witch." He turned to look at Eric, Tyler and Mike, "So, do I get into your fucking Fraternity or what?"

Edward sniggered and tugged Jasper in for a hug. Let Flora, Fauna and Merryweather deal with Emmett, and the mess they had made of Siobhan—not to mention Carlisle's car.

He lead Jasper over to his parked motorcycle, unable to take his arm from around Jasper's back.

As soon as he was on the bike, Jasper climbed up behind him, arms tight around Edward's waist. "So, good knight, what quest now that the wicked witch is dead?" If he hadn't been so sure Jasper was being serious, Edward would have giggled his ass off.

"Now, fair prince, I think it is time to take a leaf of of Anne Rice's book and get with the epic, pornographic sex."

Jasper threw his head back and laughed as Edward gunned the engine.

Across the lot, Emmett continued to hassle Eric, Mike and Tyler, but he spared a second to call out, "You bastards had better have fed my dog!"

Edward flipped him the finger as Jasper rested his cheek down on his back.

Kicking up the stand, Edward revved the engine, and the two drove off into the sunset to live happily ever after, starting with Freshman year.

**~THE END~**


End file.
